Congestion Charging
PO Box 4783
Worthing
BN11 9PT
10th March, 2010
Dear Sirs,
Please accept my cheque against charging notice TF31098080.
I have never committed a really decent crime before. No
cat-buglary, drugs-dealing, prostitution rackets or international
diamond-fencing operations (not sure if that one even exists) or even properly
planned to rob a bank, so you can imagine my sheer unadulterated joy when your
envelope dropped onto my mat.
Finally, I thought. I have achieved a thing I have always
desired but never taken the time to achieve – a proper crime of my very own and
for no more than an inadvertent act of driving my car down a seemingly
innocuous London Street. I hadn’t even
noticed I was, as I now gather the fraternity say, ‘In the Zone’.
You have made me very happy, and I hope a little of my good-cheer
rubs off on you today. I hope that Big Brother smiles a happy smile of
achievement.
The £60 pound payment is most reasonable for the accolade.
What do I need for an ASBO? (I gather they are very popular for status) or
perhaps I should aim higher and look for a Deportation Order (although where to
go..and who would feed the cat..?).
You have galvanised and inspired me. I shall order a small
inscribed silver cup to celebrate my unexpected luck, and to display in pride
of place to all my friends at future tea-parties.
Kindest and warmest regards,
Robin Horsley
P.S. Before I go, this novice must just seek your advice (as
you deal with so many of us) - I am thinking of inflicting myself with a small scar
down my left cheek (face) and wearing a long coat (obviously never putting my
arms in the sleeves). Do you feel this will enhance my new criminal image or do
you feel it would be too louche?
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